67. The Week in Me
This is not a love story.
I’ll be brief. I’m sad. I can’t talk about why. But I’m very sad. I ran into my aunt coming back from my staycation in *Matt Berry voice* Nyewwww York CitaAaAay! and she wanted me to come up for lunch. But I couldn’t, because I wheeled my massive two neon orange suitcases into my apartment, sat on the couch, and Lugosi, my beautiful empathetic son, came and plopped right on my lap, telling me that no, you have to blow off your aunt who loves you to be sad about someone that doesn’t (want to, act like it, stand by it). I don’t like blowing people off, even in my worst moments. I feel terrible turning down my aunt who wanted to make me a potato and egg scramble that my grandmother used to make and see how I was doing. But my sweet drooly son insisted. We all let others down, don’t we?
I’m going to nudge Lugosi off of me so I can get into bed and nap and catch up on my stories, and cry if I have any tears left after crying all over YOTEL room 2027. I am going to order a bagel. I am going to do my DuoLingo, and
Today was one of the saddest days of my life. I’m never going to forget the moment I put my hotel keycard down on the vanity sink, or the cleaning lady ruining my sad little exit by asking if I needed the bed freshly made.
My staycation is over. Something bigger is over. Hope is over.
And so is our week, all of us. I hope yours was lovely. I leave you with my friend who had the loveliest week of all, my dear friend Mike Duquette of Duque’s Delight, who despite welcoming two beautiful little girls that I already love so much ONE DAY AGO, made sure to give me the only fucking laugh I’m going to have today. Many of you will not get the context. I love you all, but today I have to not write for your understanding. I have to write for mine:
In other updates, my lovely friend Taylor B made this celebratory, danceatory exclusive playlist for all of you! Taylor has been running Handbasket (@handbasketzine) for years, a bimonthly literary zine for LGBTQ+ voices. Free copies are available online and select small businesses across Washington state and elsewhere. Enjoy the Ride! I’ve been friends with Taylor since my tumblr days and their friendship is deeply meaningful to me. The first person I ever loved from Oklahoma. Thank you, TB. ❤️
Oooh, this post is so close to TWO THOUSAND reviews!
57. The Week in Me
I am on track to hit some of my writing goals for 2024 by the end of next month. I am currently at 1500 subscribers and gaining new followers every day. THANK YOU!!! I have also received news that three poems I submitted have been accepted: my second time submitting poems to anyone, and my first time submitting
And thank you to my newest paid subscriber and longtime internet pal.
. It couldn’t come at a better time. I have accepted an event planner role at an events company and while I LOVE the work and they’re flying me to Miami in a few weeks to work a lavish wedding, in less than one year I went from a 125,000 salary to…40,000. I have found divesting myself from my salary and capitalistic output HUMILIATING. I know my mom is woefully disappointed in me. I know it’s not enough for her that I’m disappointed in myself. I apply to jobs every day but it’s a mean girl market right now. And I used to be the one who had money - sure, I can be the one to get us the concert tickets, pay me back whenever. Sure, I could do a girl’s weekend. I’ll get dinner, you pay me back when you’re back on your feet. And now I’m the poor one. It stings my soul as a grandchild of immigrants, as a former working girl who spent 13/14 hour days glued to her phone answering emails with “it’s nice to (virtually) meet! Here are my boss’s available windows in EST.” It fucking sucks, so thank you Michelle and Gerald and all of the new paid subscribers for helping me get to the profound below milestone:
This will have spared this week from being one of only heartstrain. I am so thankful to those of you who have lifted me up with a kind word or a dollar. I feel that love and feel healed enough in life to receive it. Thank you.
To read:
From
in an older edition of :“In Event of Moon Disaster.” For the Apollo XI space flight, the President's speechwriter William Safire composed this statement on July 18, 1969 ahead of the moon landing, and its potential failure.
A fabulous short story on The Baffler, “Fire and Wolf Share a Fondness for Male Beauty.” Written by Cui Zi’en, translated by Yizhou Guo.
“Jason Reitman Among Coalition Of Top Filmmakers Finalizing Acquisition Of Westwood’s Village Theater.” The list of fellow backers includes (deep breath): include J.J. Abrams, Judd Apatow, Damien Chazelle, Chris Columbus, Ryan Coogler, Bradley Cooper, Alfonso Cuarón, Jonathan Dayton, Guillermo del Toro, Valerie Faris, Hannah Fidell, Alejandro González Iñárritu, James Gunn, Sian Heder, Rian Johnson, Gil Kenan, Karyn Kusama, Justin Lin, Phil Lord, David Lowery, Christopher McQuarrie, Chris Miller, Christopher Nolan, Alexander Payne, Todd Phillips, Gina Prince-Bythewood, Reitman, Jay Roach, Seth Rogen, Emma Seligman, Brad Silberling, Steven Spielberg, Emma Thomas, Denis Villeneuve, Lulu Wang, and Chloé Zhao. “I’ve been coming to Westwood for as long as I can remember. Many of my movies, including Juno, Up In The Air, and Ghostbusters Afterlife all premiered at the corner of Broxton and Weyburn,” recalled Reitman in a statement on the deal. “When the Village Theater went on the market, I had visions of how quickly the National Theater became a block of condos. I immediately made an offer and hoped my fellow directors would join me on this adventure. We take this stewardship very seriously and hope to offer a true community for anyone who loves the movies.”
To listen:
Samia’s cover of the Eagles’ “Desperado.”
“Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences and open the gate
It may be raining
But there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
Let somebody love you before it's too late”
The Gaslight Anthem’s “Here Comes My Man”:
“Please, please understand me
Oh you can't just dance around me
Maybe your work will love you
When I'm just not there to hold you”
(I’m actually in this music video, in the crowd scene. I got moved to the bacj of the crowd after I sung along so forcefully that I accidentally hit my friend from the entry line Chelsea in the face. I’m sorry, Chelsea!)
(You can spot a younger, less round me at around 2:27.)
To watch:
I can not say it enough or to my own satisfaction: I am a proud Jew, AND an antizionist. So is Rich Siegel, who spoke with facts and a awe-some marriage of emotion and logic at a recent local (to me, in Teaneck!) board meeting. Please listen to a Jew discuss the dangers of American Zionism. Please:
Tina Knowles, mother of Beyoncé and Solange, has long been a hairdresser and per the educational video released in conjunction with the family’s haircare brand Cécred (pronounced “sacred”) is deeply passionate about education around hair health. I love hearing people discuss their work and true vocation so passionately.
.
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As an aside, Beyoncé’s two biggest fans, Crissle and Kid Fury of the queer Black podcast The Read got. to meet her last week and I cried listening to their recap episode of the experience. I have not missed an episode of this podcast in maybe 10 years and I have never been happier for two people I do not know than in this moment. You can listen here:
This is literally just Simone:
This is literally just Lugosi:
Various and sundry:
From Alina. This is Matt though:
This was from Dylan:
From
Me:
ME:
ME!!!!!!!!
I once again share Winky the cat. She is firmly me today: blinking and unmoving in bed, but held and okay:
Love you bitches,
TG
<hugs> to you for what you are going through. We've all had shit days, weeks, years and desperately disappointed loved ones. Like a month ago my 88 year old mother telling me to stop my substack, stop my new business venture, and go back to the way I was. Sigh...
I have been steadily taking jobs that pay me less and less, but give me more of a work/life balance and ultimately make me happier in many ways. Life isn't linear and most of the time it doesn't make sense and truly no one knows wtf they're doing.
Case in point - a cat I'm sitting just took his daily gabapentin and has been staring into the sink for an hour how and I feel like he's probably happy and content beyond anything I could ever comprehend. Sometimes you've just gotta stare into the void (or sink) for a bit and let things shake out.