140. Which One Is Ben Again?
Nhari Djan returns to discuss Love Is Blind: season 8!
Bowties and Betrayals: The Love is Blind Finale
I feel that Netflix’s Love is Blind is a thesis on how some people are simply not compatible, and gives us the opportunity to understand why they (and we) power through icks, lies of omission, clear fundamental misalignments on texting etiquette, and outright dastardly deeds to preserve what physical chemistry, shared religious values, abundant laughter…
With new episodes of Love is Blind dropping this last Valentine’s Day, we met up again in a fresh new Google Doc to discuss the first batch of episodes and engagements. Nhari cleverly suggested framing the piece by ranking the engagement outfits for each couple, and so the rankings are hers (and correct). Ben isn’t even on this list! He’s just one of 17 indistinguishable white men this season! Take it away, Nhari!
From worst to best dressed:
1. Monica Danus & Joey Laveirre (worst):
ND: Obviously, it was really Joey’s look that placed this couple at the top of the leaderboard but he didn’t work all by himself here. His tropical shirts seem to be a part of his signature look, and given the preview for the rest of the season, he is threatening to wear it again at the altar. Monica’s dress is extremely un-special, and it joins a canon of woefully constructed (sometimes corsetted) cheap satin gowns that have been plaguing reality TV for half a decade. I don’t love to see it anywhere, but those 4K cameras show every puckered seam and every loose thread.
TG: How would you describe the color of these shoes? Electric camel? Neon sand? Coachella Mud? Everything about this exact color is why you will never catch me at Bonnaroo. These shoes make me think of sixteen-dollar Aquafina bottles and sunburn peeling in spots you’d love to peel but aren’t feasible for you (me) and your (my) little T-rex arms. Also, every time I heard this couple call each other by name, I pictured these people which makes me think Netflix engineered this somehow for SEO designed to lure in the zoomers that are obsessed with this show because it is less funny and less horny than New Girl, as is their zoomerly way:
As for the strength of this real human life Monica and Joey pairing, what say you? I imagined this would be a successful couple that has one conflict, ala that couple where the guy didn’t know how birth control worked (NOT Ramses) but they decided to set him up with a little Paragard pamphlet and walk down the aisle anyway. It could have been a “your home state or mine dispute.” However, it seems that Monica’s family is less than impressed with Joey and his Kristen Wiig Target Lady saying “ALmind” head voice. There’s a scene that implies Monica’s family tells her that Joey is a very good actor (he could even be a soap opera doctor shoved down an elevator shaft!) and knows what to say. Nhari?
ND: I would describe these shoes as “buttered oxfords,” I think. I can only associate the color with Timberlands, so it’s hard for me to understand what they are doing at the bottom of this miserable suit. I agree that they will probably have the easiest time of all the couples, either them or Devin and Virginia. Though Black couples on LIB tend to go through the ringer. In the preview, it looked like a family member or friend of Monica said it looked like Joey was putting on an act with the whole golden retriever thing. Even if he isn’t, can we stop referring to men this way?
TG: Many men are schnauzers actually!!! (Wiry, brittle hair in need of a yogurt mask.)
2. Taylor Haag & Daniel Hastings:
ND: Absolute mess. I can only guess that Daniel’s reason for wearing this tie was to distract from the fact that he’s 5’8”, which, according to him, is the only obstacle that has stood in the way of him finding happiness with a woman. Taylor, who is unfortunately a bit taller than him in her heels, is drowning in that crunchy velour gown. She’s a gorgeous girl, and usually I would say “beautiful gowns,” but that is not suitable in this context.
TG: THAT TIE, that Chinoiserie vestment from hell, is the one that caused me to send you this:
Taylor’s dress is something Gizelle Bryant would have worn to the Real Housewives of Potomac reunion if the color theme was chartreuse, and they would have had Karen call in from rehab to ding her for “as usual, looking beautiful from the neck up.” (UNrelated but my god Gizelle looked flawless at the reunion?!?! For the first time ever?! To quote Rihanna,
But yes, the dress is giving Lulu’s clearance.
ND: I’m bitter that this couple only decided to become interesting after the engagement reveal. It took me over six hours of bingeing to even learn their names, and I still keep confusing Taylor for Lauren, and Ben for… everyone else. After the big twist that ends the last episode in this drop, I do feel for Taylor. However, why are the strongest pillars of your connection grounded in things that could be found in your Instagram bio? He may have faked his shared love of Taco Bell and Christmas, but if that is what it takes to find a life partner, we’d all be leaving the drive-thru with a Baja Blast and a marriage license.
TG: They foreshadowed this reveal more subtly than anything has ever happened on this television show. At one point, Taylor shares her Instagram handle and outright asks this man if he has ever encountered it. That to me is why I think this couple is kaput, and why we do not see them in the teaser for next week’s drop of getaway episodes. If he lied about that, what else has he lied upon? Leave it to a man shorter than Taylor Swift to attempt to be the Mastermind and fail in stunning, Netflix cafeteria (?) (where even were they?) fashion. She is right to be freaked out - he torpedoed the experiment. Now what I hope we learn is whether he happened to follow her because she was suggested via their mutual acquaintances, or he did reconnaissance to determine who might be on the season. If so, does this entire franchise fall apart?
ND: This just proves that the problem is never about you being 5’8.” Plenty of brave and beautiful men have done it before. Now, being a weirdo with poor investigative skills?
TG: It’s not even that the skills are poor. It’s that his lack of ass-coverage is poor. Get a finsta! Welcome to 2025, bitch! Maybe he couldn’t reach 2025. Because he’s short. (He’s not even short. My dad is 5’8”. I am Italian. We are a small and swarthy people. The best date and by date I mean der humpinck I ever had was a guy who was - and is - 5’7” and then I tried to make him fall in love with me for two years. I am not a height queen, but this man Daniel’s character is a big ole Napoleon Bonafarte complex.)
ND: Your dad probably pulls.
TG: Ma’am. Although:
ND: The problem is never being 5’8”!
3. Lauren O’Brien and Dave Bettenburg (tie):
ND: These two are having a mid-off with the following couple. But, if I were to rank them by most sinister energy, they would be in first place. I hate to say that Dave is carrying here, but when you pull up in that satin, expect to get eaten up by whoever’s standing next to you. I had to go back to the video to see the shoes again, and well, we might have to brush past that. Let’s just say, that crop was merciful.
But these two have much more to worry about. I’m debating whether or not it’ll end in marriage, because Lauren seems determined to “win” even if the prize is a psychotic aesthetician (Is that what he does?) who is obsessed with his sister for some reason. Maybe Lauren is tired of paying for facials. I think her competitive sense was heightened in the pods knowing that another woman could have gotten engaged to Dave. Now that she beat her out, maybe she’ll see she should have left him alone.
TG: I assumed he sold product, so maybe he sells Juvederm in which case…yes I’ll marry you! I found his LinkedIn and nothing here indicates plastic surgery or aesthetician-aligned work, however his visible “likes” and comments are mostly of medspas, so maybe it’s a secret side hustle?
Or he does legal services FOR plastic surgeons? Which unless you’re paying off malpractice cases, you’re not really around heavily Botoxed patients all that much? But anyway. This couple, down to the dark forces brewing around Dave, gives me:
Dave’s schtick of asking “What’s wrong with you?” when meeting at least Lauren but likely a few other women, and making jokes that they’re “not attractive” anymore because they’re over 30…I would have walked out immediately. This is a blind date. It is entirely about your personality, and you negging me moment ONE of our meeting when I could be meeting someone in these pods with openhearted curiosity? Yeah, no. That exact type of ribbing to me, much like when texting with a new crush, doesn’t work from the first introduction about 63 percent of the time, and only works when you can hear someone’s voice and pick up on their body language. I’m bored of comedy that is solely mean, and bored of its couriers who through it conduct their litmus test for your “coolness” as how much you can subject yourself to even light verbal debasement. I am not to be debased; you get in debasement, Dave. I think this couple might split up because of Molly, who I want to like because she looks like a scrappy, offbeat cartoon character that is the outsider looking in, BUT I have a feeling she could be a Sarah Ann, willing to scoop up her Jeramey at a second’s notice. Also, Sarah Ann’s last name is Bick, like Violet the “town hussy” from It’s A Wonderful Life. But Violet rules and Sarah Ann sucks. She doesn’t deserve to be a Bick of the Bedford Falls Bicks!
ND: Dave is the product of pick-up artist culture. You can tell because he tried those jokes multiple times in the pods and basically waited for someone to react well to them. After that, it was battle of the Cool Girls between Molly and Lauren. I was certain Molly was going to take it, because she was better at acting easygoing, but ultimately stood up for herself at the end. Even if she tries to break them at the pods party, I think Dave and Lauren will split over something else. It could even be another woman, like an ex that we learn about later on.
TG: Zack tried this in his season, down to the “joke” of being a stripper and then if I remember correctly revealing that his dead mother was a stripper? Dave did the same by “joking” that he was on OnlyFans. Zack pulled it together and released his sweet sincerity, which ultimately won Bliss over to the point where they now have a baby girl named Galileo (which I think is so cute and nerdy like they are) but I do not see Dave dropping his guard…or having a dead mother who was on OnlyFans. It didn’t work for Zack, but I guess he assumed he’s hotter than Zack and so it would fly better? Baby there is a SCREEN THERE.
3. Virginia Miller and Devin Buckley (tie):
ND: I commend Virginia for being the only one to choose a mini dress, but that is pretty much all I have to give. Perhaps if this were a fraternity formal, I would be more generous. I did like the shoes though, and as someone who is long-legged, I do understand the decisionmaking to an extent. Devin may have stood out to me more if so many other guys didn’t choose to wear burgundy/maroon suit jackets already. His and Ben’s are almost identical.
This is a beautiful beige couple, inside and out. I don’t know that we’ll have much fun watching them, though I am interested in seeing Devin’s conversation with Brittany later on. I’m not sure that Virginia would have any opinion on his outright rejection of Brittany’s sexuality, but that part was devastating to me. I have other hopes for Brittany though, and I expect her to pop out with a Minneapolis stud shortly after the reunion wraps.
TG: Dress is beautiful. Sumptuous color, love the sleeve, this man like me probably went full Wile E. Coyote and ran off a cliff with his legs kicking the air after the doors closed. That is a BEAUTIFUL woman. Now…what’s the personality? Does she speak? The only thing she said to this man the entire engagement reveal was “thank you” in her little Princess Nokia voice. If Ashley and TYLER got married (and now separated thank all that is holy), this couple will probably get to the aisle, unless he does in fact drop her for BritTany, as she demands to be called, because BriTtany seems cool as hell and they can ball together. As you said, he might as well have put his hand over BriTtany’s face the second she started speaking about her queer experience. It was, as you also said, something Virginia might agree with, because her entire being screams “daughter of a deacon.” As has happened almost every time on this show, despite his connection with BritTany being more vivacious and bright, he will in fact choose the “cuter” girl because love is in fact not blind once you open your eyes.
ND: At first, I thought the big twist that ended up being about Daniel and Taylor was going to be this couple. The voices obviously didn’t match, but they went to the same high school. It would’ve been equally as uninteresting, but Netflix seems to love a boring surprise these days.
TG: See I was actually kinda gagged at the Taylor/Daniel reveal! That is now the number-one thing I await an answer to for this season, over who makes it to the altar or what happens with Dave and Molly! It reminded me of the Uche reveal, though of course not nearly as explosive. And no Lydia, which is in all things for the best.
ND: I will admit that some of the gag was taken from me because I kept hearing over and over about this twist, and I knew it was going to have to be Taylor and Daniel with the way they went last, since they were so lackluster otherwise. I zoned out during their conversations about… weight loss? Not owning a scale? Anyway, maybe if I didn’t experience that build-up, I’d feel differently. I think they’ll break up pretty quickly, so I’m not all that excited to watch their conversation.
TG: Ah, a Kenneth and Brittany (Mills, not BriTTANY from season 8) situation from two seasons ago. Plausible! I hope Brittany is doing well. She seemed like such a nice, nice person, and gorgeous reunion look.1
ND: What did she used to say all the time? It was clear she read White Fragility in 2020 and was practicing some new vocab.
TG: He “identifies” as a Black man. I forgot about that. Well-meaning but a bit unknowing? I’d rather leave it to your take on that phrase.
ND: You know what? In this new alt-right era, I appreciate her “identifying” so much more. Bring back that Charlotte cast.
5. Sara Carton and Ben Mezzenga (best):
ND: Unfortunately antiracism was not a part of these rankings. Despite Ben’s apathy toward Black Lives Matter and human rights, generally, he and Sara looked the best in their reveal. Sara had the most flattering dress, it looked like she actually tried it on at a store instead of ripping it out of an Amazon package and throwing it on like the rest of the ladies. Ben’s is my favorite of these burgundy suit variants.
TG: Man looks like Matt Rife. Man looks like Lisa Rinna. AND he is uninformed on the concept of Black Lives Matter, a simple three word mission statement that decrees that Black people deserve to live free of specific racial violence? This tells me that fucking Ben Bazinga over here is either filling his truly giant head up with anything but the existence of Blackness, or that he “just has some questions” and both are reason to run. Sara…looks like she did track in high school, so she should be good at running. Run, girl. I have a feeling she is not his physical type, again that kind of track star/field hockey/volleyball team look might not be his thing. I can imagine him flitting glances over at Monica or one of the rejected honeys at a party and some issue ensuing. Whoever is short and small or supplied with a lip flip.
ND: I would love for Sara to stand her ground with that man. He’s very comfortable not having to look outside himself, and I don’t think she’ll have him marching anytime soon. It sounded like he was agreeing to educate himself in the end so he wouldn’t lose the engagement. But, many women, particularly white women in this case, will forego their (perceived) politics to make it work with a man. I’m sure she’s also dated plenty of other guys who wouldn’t even entertain conversations about politics or social justice. Maybe she thinks she can fix him, or maybe she simply doesn’t have the convictions she claims to.
TG: I have asked every new person I’ve gone out with since I went single, on the first date if not before, how they feel about the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial because there is no way in Hades I am having a pasta dinner a man who thinks that that man is a sweet sunflower with good breath. Sara, stand up!!!
ND: Speaking of Depp (derogatory), Mason wearing Dior Sauvage?
TG: Every time I see that commercial, I wonder why the wolves are not eating John Depp. Then I realize that his smell must be like musking them away.
ND: When his brand deal ends, that should be the final ad.
Nhari Djan is a writer and reporter who publishes the newsletter Should’ve Stayed in the Notes App, where she writes a diary series called “The Last Girl in Media” about navigating an unforgiving industry as a 20-something and a column called “Love and the Internet” about love and digital culture. She’s currently interviewing other Last Girls in Media and sharing their stories for the column. If that sounds like you, send her a message on Substack or on any of her social media accounts under @nharidjan.
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This was SO good I am HERE 👏 FOR 👏 THIS. Please keep LIB commentary coming!