19. And I never will forget you, my American love.

The Gaslight Anthem - “National Anthem”

The second time I met Brian Fallon, I had asked him to sign something else for me - not a setlist like the first¹ but a lyric: “No retreat, no regrets.” I wanted to tattoo it to my scissored little wrists, one battle cry on the left, one on the right. Brian wrote it out in ribboncurl cursive on the front of my ticket, on one condition: that I never went through with the tattoo.

For this, for everything, I will always love Brian Fallon.

I have never lived in heartbreak without the Gaslight Anthem. Not at 18, not at 26, not today. Don’t tell Bruce, but Brian’s voice carries past his, past everyone’s, to the center of my soul. That is a man who has lost like I’ve lost, and barely lived to tell it.

This is my National Anthem²:

And another. “Be still, my heart / I age by years at the mention of your name” reaves my soul every time I think of it, which has been often in these lean, unrequited years:

I am seeing Gaslight open for The Misfits (!!!) on Saturday, and I may throw up tears on someone in a Descendents shirt (by accident, and statistically) if they do “Mae.” What a gift to feel so much in a dark, loud room.

Happy Independence Day, from your colonizer, your past, your circumstances, or the gorilla on your back.

Love you bitches,

TG

1.

2. It chafes at me that this is a Brian post and not a post about songs called “National Anthem,” because Lana Del Rey’s is in tight, tiiiight contention. Go listen.