83. The Week in Me
A guest essay, on Bumble and the Zayn Malik of it all.
My sweetie squirrelfriend
Carvalho got heated about Bumble and Zayn Malik and I said “friend, by all means, go IN” so this is a SPECIAL GUEST ESSAY. Take it, Rebecca!!Dating apps aren’t doing so hot…
Tinder’s downloads have been waning since the app launched in 2014 and Bumble had one heck of a week… which makes the timing of Zayn Malik’s Nylon cover couldn’t be better (or funnier):
Zayn, buddy, I feel you. The intentionality behind dating seems to have dwindled as we’re overwhelmed by limitless choices between dating apps and, of course, people.
Then you start to think — if Zayn Malik, the best singer in One Direction (fight with your loved ones, I said what I said1), has no luck on these apps, are they really meant to inspire human connection? Or are they as much of a game as Candy Crush or filling out a daily crossword? Dating apps need a huge makeover — and need to go back to the basics of trying to build human relationships instead of gamifying them for a fat bottom line.
And the marketing of dating apps is not helping either. Let’s look at Bumble’s billboard blunder a little more closely and where they went wrong:
Making fun of celibacy? In THIS economy?
To poke fun at celibacy, a valid choice at any time, is incredibly tone-deaf as we navigate a messy election year where women’s rights and abortion continue to be under fire. Outside of that, poking fun of celibacy — a personal and valid choice no matter the reason behind it -— shows that Bumble isn’t exactly supportive of a person’s right to choose what their dating journey looks like. Bumble’s user base also heavily skews towards men despite its mission. Instead of telling men not to suck, all these billboards have done is shame women for not being easier to date. Bumble, in short, is telling women everywhere to be more dateable, more appealing – and to abandon any mechanisms put in place to make themselves feel safe.
Your CEO’s take on AI
*deep sigh* It seems like you can’t read a single news story without hearing about AI and its impact. Though AI isn’t going away any time soon, suggesting that a dating concierge is the next step when it comes to AI and dating shows that this is a numbers game — and that apps are looking to decentralize a human experience.
So, I’ll ask again, is this all just a game?
Gen Z doesn’t need to be talked at they need to be talked to
It feels like someone saw an idea on TikTok and ran with it — there wasn’t a sound strategy or thinking behind the audience they are so clearly targeting outside of Millennials. Gen Z loves a little self-deprecation, but they’re also huge on acceptance and equality. For an app that touts equality and known for putting women and their choices first, shaming them for the choices they make while dating doesn’t make…any sense.
All of Bumble’s marketing is done in-house, sometimes setting brands up for failure. When you work with an in-house agency, you lose sight of some key elements around audiences because you’re living in the brand every single day – outside creative agencies have the benefit of coming in with new perspectives and can provide honest feedback, holistic strategies rooted in industry standards. In short – we ask the tough questions, call out what’s needed, and it’s all backed up by a sound strategy rooted in research (if they had dug into what Gen Z really wants, that billboard copy would’ve been drastically different…)
P.S. Zayn, if you ever want to go out, I’m happy to make it out to Bucks County.
Rebecca Carvalho is a Digital Director at Bellweather Agency, a People of Color & Women Founded and Owned, strategy-led creative agency. Her food and events newsletter, ¿Comiste, Bebe? Is set to launch June 2024.
THANK YOU, REBECCA!!! And now onto our regularly scheduled hogramming…
To read:
There is a suggestion in this article about curing love obsession that requires you to mentally imagine your ex or crush as a Thumbelina version of themselves and you picking them up, placing them in a box, factory-sealing that shit closed, and then further mentally shrinking the box. Or stepping on it. Or crushing it between your fingers. And you know what? I think that’s nice!
This curated post about people who have lost mothers or children due to Scientology from
will sit heavy on my heart for a long time. I hate Mother’s Day, and wish I could give my love in some tangible way to every person who spoke their sadness here:Daniel Radcliffe, famously the only man who has never disappointed me, in a looooong long profile by
for The Atlantic.Oh, James Kimmel got IN that ass, roasting Disney and ABC and the streaming business at the upfronts.
Even the free preview of this piece by
fucked me up:
A carousel post from
that I had to bite my own fingers to not send to an ex:
From
, who really got me with this one damnit, because any time I have watched that exact Mr. Rogers clip, my grandmother is the person I choose, too:
You can buy Aaron’s book here.
On ocularcentrism, from
:
As someone who went to college in Philadelphia partly (mostly) because of Rocky, this terrifies me, even though I know Jeremy Allen White and/or Austin Butler (really, who else) is going to do a fantastic job. (“‘I Play Rocky’: Peter Farrelly To Direct, Toby Emmerich To Produce Sylvester Stallone ‘Rocky’ Origins Pic”)
My rabbi,
, with some deeply needed words, for the world and for me:An approachable guide to the voting habits and top issues for Gen-Z/zoomer voters (or non-voters). I was surprised!
To watch:
Don’t know what this bitch is on but I need a 60mg daily instant release:
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(from Sam)
Mat and I sometimes watch two or three Girl With The Dogs grooming videos before bed. They are our ASMR, though have recently been causing UNDUE STRESS because she stopped saying “I tidy up their Grinch feet,” our favorite part of the *process.*
Anyway, here is a giant fucking cat.
I do not believe in open-toed shoes, as in I do not see them I do not acknowledge them they do not exist…except AND ONLY WHEN a little hedgehog wears chanclas. Then it’s nice:
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This is literally just Simone:
(small head, elegant)
This is literally just Lugosi:
(if Boobie and his father were problematic)
Actually my babies:
I want to thank my newest paid subscriber
here. Apparently, my sweet children did the trick!Various and sundry:
I stopped a podcast I was recording, live, to talk about this:
Screaming the Sarah McLachlan dog song with tears streaming down my face:
Me now that the CPTSD violent night terrors as of late have faded:
The 74 text threads I have running rn:
From my friend Thom:
This had a profound emotional affect on me:
This is how I want you all to remember me:
Love you bitches,
TG
“lmao Rebecca if you think *I* do not, OFTEN, try the high note in You & I in the shower you are respectfully trippin’” - Tara
Even though I found my ex through a dating site--Matchmaker.com--I do feel for Zayn. Dating sites 23 years ago were so different back then. As someone who's been divorced for nearly 6 years, I don't EVER plan to date or get married again and I too feel content in that aloneness, Z. Nowadays, it's all catphish/dick pics/Let's hook up type of people. If I had come across Z's profile, I'd be like, "That's not really him. Catphish. Pass." LOL Cuz you never know these days, right? Just my luck I'd go to meet someone and end up on Dateline. For the record, though, that dude is FOIN. Also, for the record, *I* was his eyelash curler. LOL
Thank you so much for the kind words for that essay & the book!