Oh I’m sorry to hear about the pain of experiencing divorce. The songs: I’m not there by Bob Dylan, Dreams to remember by Ottis Redding, Sally go round the Roses by The Jaynettes, Satisfaction (cover version) by Cat Power, Rollercoaster Ride by Belle and Sebastian, and anything by Leonard Cohen have helped me in heartbreak. I like to imagine that the two gorgeous kittens are showering you lots of love and affection (bc cats seem to sense when their parents need special love the most.) Watching reruns of golden girls saved me during hard times. The dance videos for Tilted and Saint Claude by Christine and the Queens never fail to make me smile. Congrats on the print publication! Cheers to your beautiful writing!
I adore the Golden Girls and yes, that’s definitely the kind of balm I need right now! It’s also why I’ve been delayed in answering your email and I apologize for that. I will get back to you soon. The chickens have been very good to mommy but I’ve been worried about THEM not having their other favorite person around. So excited for them to get some time with him on Sunday while he’s here packing again.
Not Lindt truffles but my favorite small chocolates are Ferrero Rocher and Raffaello’s (in the event that you aren’t allergic to nuts or coconut). As for songs, there’s so many lol but ‘in the kitchen’ (Reneé Rapp), ‘lover you should come over’ (Jeff Buckley), ‘cayendo (side a- acoustic)’ (Frank Ocean), ‘mirror’ (Madison Ryann Ward), ‘evergreen’ (Omar Apollo), ‘the night we met’ (Lord Huron and Phoebe Bridgers), ‘someone new’ (BANKS) and ‘to be loved’ (Adele; also ‘hold on’ by her for something a little hopeful when the clouds begin to clear) are a few at the top of my “sad girl” playlist. Sending lots of love and virtual hugs ♡
lmaoo scratch the Ferrero’s but Raffaello’s are the almond and coconut equivalent, and are life changing! And it also comes in bar form as well, if you can’t find the little truffles!
Ryan Adams’ (yeah I know) ‘My Winding Wheel’ is a song I cling to after two decades since a bad breakup, and I hate that it still gets me after so much time and makes me feel like a total fuckup.
I'm so sorry you went through this. But at least it happened BEFORE you got married and not after. Mr. Ex and I dated for 6 years before he asked me and I think he did it because, y'know..."6 years! Why aren't you guys married yet?" I had doubts and should've listened. I finally did. 12 years (and no kids, Thank Gawd) later. I didn't listen to any type of music or watch any movies because I had already mentally excommunicated (not John Wick style) myself from that relationship. It was happening over time, things he would do or say just stuck with me and I just wanted OUT and to move on.
But I randomly found an ad on IG for Gage Huntley's jewelry (https://gagehuntley.com/) and bought two rings that, when stacked together, say "Divorced AF Sistah". That about said it all for me. LOL I think you should check it out because all of her jewelry--and other products--are very sweary. If it was a different color, I would get it, but she has an 8X10 poster that says, "Take a deep breath and remember who the fuck you are." So, Ms. Tara, that would be my advice to you.
LOVE these rings. Will be checking out. Thank you for the sweetness and the support and the strong sweary words of encouragement - my favorite kind. ❤️
I am so sorry this happened to you! What did I do after I got divorced? It seems so long ago now. I remember being terrified about being able to survive on my own with two kids. I didn't have a full time job! About two months after my husband left. I decided to take Bodhran lessons, (An Irish hand- drum) at Boston College. I had to put the tuition ($150) on an interest free credit card. My Irish -ex was not supportive of me playing Trad music, and discouraging so this was like my two fingers up to him. The lessons led me to becoming part of an amazing community of Irish Traditional musicians. I played in "seisuns" and bars all over Boston. I met my next love who was a fiddle player. I joined a "Pogues" cover band which I was in for seven years. I had a blast and got my self worth back. All because I took a chance and signed up for those lessons.
Sending you big hugs. You will survive and thrive!
During my divorce I scream-sang along to ABBA's "Knowing Me Knowing You" and cried in the shower every day for about a month. I think ABBA is the key. I also watched the 1997 Cinderella with Brandy and Whitney Houston at a pivotal moment and it gave me my second-most popular Letterboxd review, so that's cute (the review itself is nothing but I elaborated in the comments) https://letterboxd.com/littleleotas/film/cinderella-1997/
Wishing you the best in getting through this, and you will get through this 🖤
Tara, you beautiful wonderful human, if you can stand to sing a song about a man with a similar name as your ex husband, I recommend scream-singing along to The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived. I find it quite cathartic.
Damn girl I missed some shit! As much as I love my partner, I sometimes yearn for the life I could lead as a single person. You are beholden to no whims but your own and that feels so freeing.
I don’t have any divorce-specific media to share, but I did listen to Jenny Lewis’ Voyager album through a difficult time in my life and I can still remember the release I felt while belting out that shit in my car.
Also - hit up ya friends! I live in the tri-state area, I have decent hair, and I’m coming around on birds after having a bad experience with one when I was younger.
Build some playlists. Dance. Take some long luxurious evenings with yourself ;-) (and a few new sex toys maybe). Do you have a store where you can get those lindt by weight and make yourself up a big old bag of all the different flavours to do your own taste test? Avoid booze. Toke as much as you like though. Talk to trees - they really listen and they're there for you, and solid. Write your way through it - but be careful what you go public with. And have all the hugs from all of us, here for your words and life stories.
YES I literally have a membership card to the Lindt store. I’m not kidding. I am completely sober and always have been so no worries on the booze - or even the pot.
i can’t remember if you’ve watched bojack horseman, but one of the best episodes is where diane goes to vietnam post-divorce. even if you haven’t, it’s a good standalone episode
Tara Giancaspro: You are strong and being free seems hard but is the way you will search deeply into your authentic self and find your passions and your deep intellect and art.
There are hard aspects.
But this is an opportunity for adventure and happiness.
I have been with the Love-and-Light-of-My-Life, Nancy, who in my youth, 53-years-ago, FREED ME from a Fundamentalist-background I was SHEDDING, and with her I have constantly had a life that makes me feel TOTALLY FREE INSIDE, and I love her (we are both 76) with DEEP ATTRACTION and soft affection.
But I can tell you: A woman finds a man TIRESOME and CLUELESS. Nancy would tell you, Armando doesn't listen and he has no clue.
You are in your young twenties! What a bright future! Your possibilities with the arts are endless. By the way you write, I believe you gather a lot of good, worthwhile persons around you.
I am very optimistic about your future, including your near future.
Take care of yourself and meet with friends, especially woman friends are good for a woman. My beautiful Nancy has a lot of woman friends. Woman friends build each other up. I think Nancy stays married because her woman friends keep her strong.
One of Nancy's friends secretly said, "Armando, thanks for being a good husband to Nancy." Hmm, I was puzzled: Nancy is just ADORABLE and a magnificent woman. Being with Nancy is just the way Mother Nature meant me to be. Mother Nature did NOT make me to live single.
You are involved with music, the arts, and, not least, Kiwi's Capybara and your cats, your cat-family.
I LOVE cats. I kept one little Siamese guy alive for nineteen-and-a-half years (poor buddy, could not quite make 20).
Take the attitude of your kitties. When Joe Schmedlap left, your kitties probably went, "OK. So, where is my next bowl of water and tuna?!"
I think it is LOVELY that you think I’m in my YOUNG 20’s when I am a smooth 33 years of age. I love how you talk about Nancy and acknowledge that being a good partner requires continued growth and effort. That’s rare!! Thank you for that lovely and affirming optimism. I feel it from you, I really do.
Tara Giancaspro: Even better. In her 30s and older, a woman grows deeper and more insightful, and she develops a more radiant glow from within.
At 76, Nancy is beautiful and she is radiant.
As you gather for tennis, dance, walking, concerts, public readings, and all of your activities, you will continue to meet persons -- women and men -- who will affirm you.
You will remain intellectually curious and vibrant.
My favorite divorced person thing is having my own bedroom (which I now also have in my new relationship too—never going back)
Oh I’m sorry to hear about the pain of experiencing divorce. The songs: I’m not there by Bob Dylan, Dreams to remember by Ottis Redding, Sally go round the Roses by The Jaynettes, Satisfaction (cover version) by Cat Power, Rollercoaster Ride by Belle and Sebastian, and anything by Leonard Cohen have helped me in heartbreak. I like to imagine that the two gorgeous kittens are showering you lots of love and affection (bc cats seem to sense when their parents need special love the most.) Watching reruns of golden girls saved me during hard times. The dance videos for Tilted and Saint Claude by Christine and the Queens never fail to make me smile. Congrats on the print publication! Cheers to your beautiful writing!
I adore the Golden Girls and yes, that’s definitely the kind of balm I need right now! It’s also why I’ve been delayed in answering your email and I apologize for that. I will get back to you soon. The chickens have been very good to mommy but I’ve been worried about THEM not having their other favorite person around. So excited for them to get some time with him on Sunday while he’s here packing again.
Not Lindt truffles but my favorite small chocolates are Ferrero Rocher and Raffaello’s (in the event that you aren’t allergic to nuts or coconut). As for songs, there’s so many lol but ‘in the kitchen’ (Reneé Rapp), ‘lover you should come over’ (Jeff Buckley), ‘cayendo (side a- acoustic)’ (Frank Ocean), ‘mirror’ (Madison Ryann Ward), ‘evergreen’ (Omar Apollo), ‘the night we met’ (Lord Huron and Phoebe Bridgers), ‘someone new’ (BANKS) and ‘to be loved’ (Adele; also ‘hold on’ by her for something a little hopeful when the clouds begin to clear) are a few at the top of my “sad girl” playlist. Sending lots of love and virtual hugs ♡
I’m allergic to hazelnut so it’s a Ferrero NOcher for me 😞
Oooh I’m writing this down 📝
lmaoo scratch the Ferrero’s but Raffaello’s are the almond and coconut equivalent, and are life changing! And it also comes in bar form as well, if you can’t find the little truffles!
Yeah like I smell like a coconut I use coconut shampoo I love coconut everything.
Ryan Adams’ (yeah I know) ‘My Winding Wheel’ is a song I cling to after two decades since a bad breakup, and I hate that it still gets me after so much time and makes me feel like a total fuckup.
I'm so sorry you went through this. But at least it happened BEFORE you got married and not after. Mr. Ex and I dated for 6 years before he asked me and I think he did it because, y'know..."6 years! Why aren't you guys married yet?" I had doubts and should've listened. I finally did. 12 years (and no kids, Thank Gawd) later. I didn't listen to any type of music or watch any movies because I had already mentally excommunicated (not John Wick style) myself from that relationship. It was happening over time, things he would do or say just stuck with me and I just wanted OUT and to move on.
But I randomly found an ad on IG for Gage Huntley's jewelry (https://gagehuntley.com/) and bought two rings that, when stacked together, say "Divorced AF Sistah". That about said it all for me. LOL I think you should check it out because all of her jewelry--and other products--are very sweary. If it was a different color, I would get it, but she has an 8X10 poster that says, "Take a deep breath and remember who the fuck you are." So, Ms. Tara, that would be my advice to you.
LOVE these rings. Will be checking out. Thank you for the sweetness and the support and the strong sweary words of encouragement - my favorite kind. ❤️
I am so sorry this happened to you! What did I do after I got divorced? It seems so long ago now. I remember being terrified about being able to survive on my own with two kids. I didn't have a full time job! About two months after my husband left. I decided to take Bodhran lessons, (An Irish hand- drum) at Boston College. I had to put the tuition ($150) on an interest free credit card. My Irish -ex was not supportive of me playing Trad music, and discouraging so this was like my two fingers up to him. The lessons led me to becoming part of an amazing community of Irish Traditional musicians. I played in "seisuns" and bars all over Boston. I met my next love who was a fiddle player. I joined a "Pogues" cover band which I was in for seven years. I had a blast and got my self worth back. All because I took a chance and signed up for those lessons.
Sending you big hugs. You will survive and thrive!
This is the best and most Celtic “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” I’ve heard in a minute!!
During my divorce I scream-sang along to ABBA's "Knowing Me Knowing You" and cried in the shower every day for about a month. I think ABBA is the key. I also watched the 1997 Cinderella with Brandy and Whitney Houston at a pivotal moment and it gave me my second-most popular Letterboxd review, so that's cute (the review itself is nothing but I elaborated in the comments) https://letterboxd.com/littleleotas/film/cinderella-1997/
Wishing you the best in getting through this, and you will get through this 🖤
Oh I adore this song. As EVERYONE SHOULD.
Tara, you beautiful wonderful human, if you can stand to sing a song about a man with a similar name as your ex husband, I recommend scream-singing along to The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived. I find it quite cathartic.
I love that song but I think it works far better for the OTHER problem man from this year.
Very fair! Maybe Happiness off of evermore? I’m in a big Taylor mood lately
movies i've appreciated after breakups:
- now, voyager
- young girls of rochefort
- legally blonde
- julia roberts ("runaway bride" is my go-to)
YES to Now, Voyager my goodness!
Damn girl I missed some shit! As much as I love my partner, I sometimes yearn for the life I could lead as a single person. You are beholden to no whims but your own and that feels so freeing.
I don’t have any divorce-specific media to share, but I did listen to Jenny Lewis’ Voyager album through a difficult time in my life and I can still remember the release I felt while belting out that shit in my car.
Also - hit up ya friends! I live in the tri-state area, I have decent hair, and I’m coming around on birds after having a bad experience with one when I was younger.
Oh I am already DY ING to be back in a committed relationship. I get CHILLY at night. I need a big spoon!!
Build some playlists. Dance. Take some long luxurious evenings with yourself ;-) (and a few new sex toys maybe). Do you have a store where you can get those lindt by weight and make yourself up a big old bag of all the different flavours to do your own taste test? Avoid booze. Toke as much as you like though. Talk to trees - they really listen and they're there for you, and solid. Write your way through it - but be careful what you go public with. And have all the hugs from all of us, here for your words and life stories.
YES I literally have a membership card to the Lindt store. I’m not kidding. I am completely sober and always have been so no worries on the booze - or even the pot.
Sober is best. Report back to us as you work your way through the lindt store.
i can’t remember if you’ve watched bojack horseman, but one of the best episodes is where diane goes to vietnam post-divorce. even if you haven’t, it’s a good standalone episode
Tara Giancaspro: You are strong and being free seems hard but is the way you will search deeply into your authentic self and find your passions and your deep intellect and art.
There are hard aspects.
But this is an opportunity for adventure and happiness.
I have been with the Love-and-Light-of-My-Life, Nancy, who in my youth, 53-years-ago, FREED ME from a Fundamentalist-background I was SHEDDING, and with her I have constantly had a life that makes me feel TOTALLY FREE INSIDE, and I love her (we are both 76) with DEEP ATTRACTION and soft affection.
But I can tell you: A woman finds a man TIRESOME and CLUELESS. Nancy would tell you, Armando doesn't listen and he has no clue.
You are in your young twenties! What a bright future! Your possibilities with the arts are endless. By the way you write, I believe you gather a lot of good, worthwhile persons around you.
I am very optimistic about your future, including your near future.
Take care of yourself and meet with friends, especially woman friends are good for a woman. My beautiful Nancy has a lot of woman friends. Woman friends build each other up. I think Nancy stays married because her woman friends keep her strong.
One of Nancy's friends secretly said, "Armando, thanks for being a good husband to Nancy." Hmm, I was puzzled: Nancy is just ADORABLE and a magnificent woman. Being with Nancy is just the way Mother Nature meant me to be. Mother Nature did NOT make me to live single.
You are involved with music, the arts, and, not least, Kiwi's Capybara and your cats, your cat-family.
I LOVE cats. I kept one little Siamese guy alive for nineteen-and-a-half years (poor buddy, could not quite make 20).
Take the attitude of your kitties. When Joe Schmedlap left, your kitties probably went, "OK. So, where is my next bowl of water and tuna?!"
I think it is LOVELY that you think I’m in my YOUNG 20’s when I am a smooth 33 years of age. I love how you talk about Nancy and acknowledge that being a good partner requires continued growth and effort. That’s rare!! Thank you for that lovely and affirming optimism. I feel it from you, I really do.
Tara Giancaspro: Even better. In her 30s and older, a woman grows deeper and more insightful, and she develops a more radiant glow from within.
At 76, Nancy is beautiful and she is radiant.
As you gather for tennis, dance, walking, concerts, public readings, and all of your activities, you will continue to meet persons -- women and men -- who will affirm you.
You will remain intellectually curious and vibrant.
You are so lovely. My friend @Hattie Jean Hayes and I have talked about how endlessly kind your comments always are. Thank you. My love to Nancy!!
You’re like 23 surely
I was ten years ago!
😢😢😢
I have no regrets about having had this relationship, especially because it gave me you. ❤️
♥️♥️♥️